Oh how I love having a little girl! Addelyn is such a joy! One of the cutest things about her is her sweet, soft, little voice. It melts us! We have a hard time saying no to this child.

Cameron and Crayden are natural athletes!

Cameron started karate this year and absolutely loves it. He thinks that being in karate means that he will be a ninja when he grows up. We're taking a little break from karate since Sawyer was born, but Cameron still remembers everything he's learned so far and practices all the time.

Cameron has really picked up soccer this year and frequently looks for us on the sidelines to give us a thumbs up whenever he touches the ball.

Crayden started T-ball this year, and even though he's only 3, we're just sure he has a gift.

I love watching my boys play sports. It won't be long before Addy and Sawyer are involved in their own things too. I'm not sure how we'll juggle it all, but I can't wait to try! I'm one proud Mama!

One of the reasons I wanted to start a blog so badly was that I just had to record my experience of delivery my baby Sawyer naturally. This was a new experience for me, having had epidurals with my 3 other children, and I just don't want to forget what it was like to experience a natural child birth. It was unreal.

Everything about Sawyer's birth was exactly what I wanted it to be. It was one week before his due date. I'd been having contractions, none painful, for about 3 days straight. Hoping to speed things along, I shampooed the carpet in our front room that day and took a 2 mile walk on the treadmill downstairs, hoping for the best. That night, we had a family over for FHE. We'd just said goodbye to our friends, and it was about 10:45 pm when I went into the bathroom to start getting ready for bed. That's when I started leaking. I looked at Craig in shock and said, "I think my water broke." I was ecstatic! I'd always wanted to know what it was like to have my water break on its own. It's the one sure way to know that it is time to go to the hospital and spare you the humiliation of thinking you're in labor and being sent home. I just stood there, not knowing exactly what to do. Craig then said, "Well, don't just stand there, get in the shower or something." So I jumped in the shower and continued to leak. My hospital bag was mostly packed already, so it was really just a matter of grabbing some last minute items and leaving for the hospital. But how was I going to do that while leaking? I never really knew how much fluid surrounded the baby. There's a lot. So I finally got out of the shower, put on a pad, got dressed and in the car. Craig lined the seat of our jeep with a huge plastic garbage sack and a towell. On the way to the hospital, I called my midwife to let her know I was coming in. Then I called my mom, just because...

By the time I got to the hospital, it was 11:30 pm, the contractions were becoming a little more intense, and I was completely soaked. I walked in with the towell wrapped around my waist. When I got to the nurses' desk to check in, they looked at me and said, "let me guess, you think you're water broke." I looked up and just stared. How could I "think" my water had broken and be completely soaked. I think they were just being sarcastic. Anyway, we got into our room, and I undressed and waited for them to check me. I was only dilated to a 4, but by this time, I could no longer talk through my contractions. I had a read a whole book on hypnobirthing and talked to other women who had used that my method, and I was convinced I could relax enough to have a fairly pain free birth. I never actually took a hypnobirthing class as I was advised to do, however, because Craig and I just didn't feel like we had the time to do that. My midwife showed up a little while later.

I chose to use a midwife with this pregnancy, which was a first for me as well. The reason why is a long story, but I have to say, it was amazing. I loved having my midwife there with me the whole time. I felt like I was there with a friend who was coaching me along verses a doctor who shows up at the end to catch the baby. Lindsay, my midwife, was so sweet and encouraging. Everytime I had a contraction, she would push on pressure points to help relieve the pain. She sat and visited with us, even though it was the middle of the night, like she had nowhere better to be.

I was sitting on a birthing ball by the hospital bed, enjoying our conversation with Lindsay (I had just asked her how she'd met her husband), when something changed. I looked up after having a really, really, painful contraction and said, "I didn't like that--that one didn't feel good." Lindsay suggested I stand up for the next contraction. It came right away. I put my head on the bed with my feet on the ground. When the contraction was over, I looked up and said, "That one didn't feel good either--I think I want an epidural." I felt so much pressure down in my nether regions, I knew I either had really bad gas, or my baby was coming down the birth canal. I told Lindsay I wanted to go to the bathroom. She said, "Okay, but just pee, nothing more, and just to let you know, if you have a contraction while sitting on the toilet, it's going to be really intense." She wasn't kidding. I'd never felt such pain in my life. I came back, and Lindsay suggested that she check me to see how far along I was and then possibly get in a warm bath to relieve some of the pressure. By this time, I wasn't even sure I could move. The contractions were so painful and so close together. She checked me, which was horribly painful, and said I was at a 7. I was in transition, and it felt like I'd hit a wall. I couldn't wait to get into the bathtub.

In the bathroom, I knelt by the tub as it slowly filled up with hot water. Craig was at my side stroking my back. I was beginning to panic. How could I deliver this baby without drugs? What was I thinking. I could barely catch my breath between contractions, and my whole body was tense and rigid with fear. I cried to Craig, "I can't do it, I want an epidural, I can't relax between contractions, there's not enough time..." Lindsay calmly said, we'll do whatever you want, but let's get you in the bathtub and see if that helps." The bathtub wasn't even close to being full, but I was pleading for an epidural so much (even though in the back of my mind, I knew it was too late and that I'd never be able to hold still while they placed the epidural) Lindsay suggested I just get in the bathtub and told a nurse there to get the bed ready because I was close. I had one contraction in the bathtub, and I had just enough time to cry out, "I still want an epidural" when the next contraction came along with an overwhelming urge to push. I looked down and saw blood in the water. They could hear the strain coming from my throat, and Lindsay called out, "Don't push!" I replied, "I can't help it!" Then Lindsay said, "Let's get you to the bed." I was thinking, I can't move, how am I going to get to the bed? I said, "I can't move, can I just have him in here?" There was about 4 inches of water beneath me, and Lindsay said, "No, we're getting you to the bed; Craig pick her up and move her." He put his hands under my armpits and lifted. I walked across the room on my tip toes, assisted by Craig, dripping water from my waist down, and naked, except for my bra. I'm usually such a private person, but this was a crisis, and I didn't care. I got onto the bed, and felt the relief that comes from pushing with each contraction. It was a good pain now, knowing that I could do something about it. The only thing I can liken it to is diarrhea--the awful and yet wonderful sensation of letting loose on a toilet when you have the runs--a gross comparison, but true...only times 10. In between contractions, I'd lay my head back on the pillow with my eyes closed and try to relax as much as I could. I couldn't believe I was doing it. Then the nurse told me that the baby was approaching "the ring of fire," and I knew exactly what she was talking about. The baby's head sat in the "ring of fire" for what seemed like 15 minutes. I just pushed and pushed. They asked me at one point if I wanted to feel the baby's head, and I said no. I just wanted to do my thing. Nobody had to tell me when to push, my body just took over. I was sweating, and they put blankets on me, and I threw them off. Craig kept combing my hair back from my forehead with his hand, and that felt so good. He held my leg in place with his other hand. I needed him there. He was my partner in every way.

Just as the baby's head pushed past the "ring of fire," I tore, big time. They told me to stop pushing hard and do little grunt pushes, whatever that meant. I didn't care that I'd torn, I knew I was close, and I just wanted him out. I prayed, "Heavenly Father, I can't do this anymore," and with one last push, he was out.

They laid that perfectly beautiful baby boy on my chest, and I soaked it all in. I was instantly in love. He was bright eyed and alert. Nothing compares to the feeling I had at that moment. It was spiritual. It was holy. I was so happy. Craig was so proud of me. We were the only two there, besides my nurse and midwife, and it was so sweet to just sit and bond with our baby boy.

I didn't totally relax after because I knew I still had to deliver the placenta and be stitched up. With my other deliveries, that part was no big deal because I was numb. Not so when you deliver naturally. I felt everything. I felt the weight up the placenta being removed from my body and marveled again at how much blood, fluid, and baby my belly had contained moments before. I felt like I'd instantly lost 30 pounds. Then the stitching began, and I learned that the numbing needle hurts and doesn't work. I kept gritting my teeth and saying "ouch." At one point, I said, "Lindsay, the baby's out, it's not supposed to hurt anymore." And she replied with a smile, "Yeah, we don't tell you about this part." After 15 minutes of being stitched up, I finally got to relax, and when they asked me if I wanted some pain medication, I responded that I would take any drugs they would give me.

When it was all over, I couldn't imagine ever wanting to go through that again. At the same time, I marveled at the ability of the human body to do something like that. I've never run a marathon, but afterwards I felt like I had what they call a "runner's high." I had all those positive endorphines flooding my body. I felt calm, relaxed, and supremely happy. Though it was 2:08 am when Sawyer was finally born, I hardly slept the rest of the night. I was too excited. Everytime I nearly drifted off to sleep, I would remember what I'd just done and think of that baby, and I would wake up again. It was a sleepless night, but one of the best nights of my life.

My kiddos. They're in love with their baby brother, Sawyer.

I’m finally breaking down and doing it. I am at a new phase in life now. I have four kids, ages 5, almost 4, 2, and 1 month. I think it takes having kids to realize how quickly life goes by, and I feel a need to make a history of it. I’ve always been a pretty good journal keeper, for myself and my kids, but something about this magical number 4, I find I have time for hardly anything other than just making it through the day. When my kids reach this phase of life (if they’re ever crazy enough to have 4 kids within 5 years) I want to be able to look back and remember in detail what it was like for me. I don’t want to forget this crazy time in my life, knowing it will pass so quickly, so I’m officially starting a blog.